Life Lessons From Bill Murray
Everything I ever needed to know about being a decent human being I learned from an immature man-child with bad skin
I lost my virginity because of Bill Murray.
Well, no, that might be overstating it. He wasn’t in the room when it happened. But he was in my head, or at least his characters were — those smirking, frumpy goofballs, statues of imperfection. If they could make it work with acne, a paunch, and bad posture, surely I could too.
I was reminded of this recently when watching The French Dispatch, the Wes Anderson movie from 2021 that featured Murray as an aging magazine publisher who treats his writers like his own children. He's patient and indulgent with them, and only has one rule: “Don’t cry in my office.”
I'm in my mid-50s now and goddammit, Bill Murray has done it again. He'd given me a road map for adulthood at the exact moment I needed it. This decade’s lessons: Don't yell, even when your children (or writing staff) are being unreasonable. Make sure your family feels protected. Grumble what your kids bleed you dry, but pay it anyway. Treat every day, every project, every gathering, like it might be your last, because you never know.
Those of us in our 50s have a unique relationship with Bill Murray. We’ve been alive for roughly as long as he’s been making movies. We’ve grown up with him. And for some of us, he’s guided us through the first century of our lives. Every decade, he’s been right there with movies that were like blueprints for better living.
As Murray says in Stripes, “Do what I do, and say what I say, and make me proud.” That continues to be good advice.
Pre-teens
Murray Road Map: Meatballs (1979), Caddyshack (1980)
It's easy to feel small and insignificant as a kid. We’re all basically Carl, the bumbling groundskeeper in Caddyshack—invisible to the world, mumbling and sweaty, incapable of doing the simplest of tasks. But Carl doesn’t care. In his head, he's still the hero of his Cinderella story. Even when offered total consciousness in lieu of payment, he sees it as a win. "So I got that goin' for me,” he brags, “which is nice."
Losing is inevitable, and as Tripper Harrison reminds us in Meatballs, "It just doesn’t matter." There's something freeing in that, the realization that the gophers and Camp Mohawks in life are probably going to win, so who cares? You can try again tomorrow. Maybe this time with dynamite!
Teens
Murray Road Map: Stripes (1981), Ghostbusters (1984)
Your body’s changing. You feel weird and unlovable, and you’re covered in slime far more than you’d like to admit. It feels like authority figures are always yelling at you. “We’re mutants,” Winger says to his fellow recruits in Stripes, and basically all teenagers. “There’s something wrong with us.” But despite what the adults say, you’ll figure it out. Just like Peter Venkman and the other Ghostbusters figured out how to use those unlicensed nuclear accelerators without blowing themselves up. Or how Ox (the late John Candy) climbed into a mud-wrestling pit with bikinied women despite his fears that it’d make him look foolish.
“You're different, you're weird,” Winger reminded him in a pep talk. It sounds like an insult, but it’s just the opposite. The things you think are flaws might just be your superpowers. The different and weird sometimes emerge from the mud with bikini tops.
The 20s
Murray Road Map: What About Bob? (1991), Groundhog Day (1993)
You know why women like Andie MacDowell aren’t all that into you? Because being a smug, sarcastic asshole like Phil Connors in Groundhog Day isn’t as cute as it was back in high school. Be kinder to the people around you. You’re responsible for your days. You can make them happy or sad, full of meaning or more of the same.
It’s never too late to learn a new skill. Take life at your own speed, even if your own speed is baby steps. Enjoy every victory, because they don’t happen all that often. Do things that terrify you, even if you have to be tied to a boat mast with rope to find the courage. It wasn’t pretty, but you did it. You’re sailing! You’re sailing! You’re a sailor! Ahoy!
The 30s
Murray Road Map: Lost in Translation (2003), The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou (2004)
Not living up to your own expectations? Join the club. As Steve Zissou would ponder, “Am I ever going to be good again?” Spoiler alert: you will. Maybe don't take so many business trips away from your family. Be more forgiving with your spouse. Like Bob Harris in Lost in Translation said, if your marriage is barely older than a teenager, it can technically drive a car "but there's still the occasional accident.”
Stop flirting with younger women. Stick with the ones your own age, as they're more likely to save you from pirates. Also, that metaphorical shark you're after, even if you find it, it's not going to make you happy.
The 40s
Murray Road Map: St Vincent (2014), Moonrise Kingdom (2012)
Parenting is about to get really difficult. You think you're doing an amazing job—“I'm showing him how the world works," Vincent justified in St Vincent. “You work, you get paid, you drink”—and then you find out maybe you don't have all the answers. But relax, your kid(s) idolize you more than you know, and they’re gleaning the good stuff.
Some nights, you’ll lie in bed like Mr. Bishop in Moonrise Kingdom, staring at the ceiling and thinking, “I hope the roof flies off and I get sucked up into space.” That’s just melancholy, it passes. And if it doesn't, try sitting on the back porch and listening to Bob Dylan songs on an old Walkman while having a sneaky cigarette.
The little moments matter more than they used to.