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I remember having girlfriends with mixtapes from previous boyfriends that were good, too good, or close enough to being too good to be a problem. The music didn't need to be soft to be threatening. In fact, that would have been better. The right hard rock on those tapes could make you jealous.

But those mixtapes post-relationship had a life outside of the rules. You couldn't really ask her to return them. That would have been waving a white rag. But it was reasonable to refuse to play it yourself, and it wasn't entirely reasonable if she did. You definitely could make fun of them but their history was a threat.

Those romantic mixtapes lived in a grey zone that gets at your point, I think. And if you were going to fight back with a mixtape of your own, well you'd better be in it to win it and she better still have that tape somewhere.

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I love complicated relationships with mixtapes. I’ve been married for almost 25 years and I’m still jealous of one mixtape that my now wife got from an ex back in the 80s. She’s held onto it all these years, and for good reason. It’s spectacular. I hate it.

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